Why You Should Never Enter Politics

Every five years the Kenyan populace comes to a standstill to elect it’s next crop of leaders. We have done this religiously since we got independence but for most of the Kenyan politics, it became real in 1992, when finally multipartyism became a reality. 
Many people stood to be later, many tried, few succeeded and some are still around today.  The likes of James Orengo and William Ruto with Y2K and such. Some of us were still in lower primary school in 1992, and here we are 25 years later looking at yet another election.  

So, let me delve right into this, and speak on politics. During the past 12 months, I have become increasingly aware of the fact that politics is the one variable factor that moves this country. There is no denying that economy, inflation, security have a hand in the lives of Kenyans, but it goes without saying that Kenyan politics is the one thing that is the centre of everything in this country. 

From a Presidency that started with cases at iccand currently embroiled with ultercations with governors, to an opposition that for most of the past 5 years has been around one man,  the Enigma. 

So,  these are my reasons why you should NOT be in politics. 
1. Disturbance of status quo. As human beings we do not like change, infact we resist and detest it. We like things to stay as they are. That is really why we elect the same leaders over and over again. We do not care when you tell us how corrupt or inept they are. We like them the way they are. Offering yourself as an alternative just does not help us. You will come and bring development, but we do not want development, we want our tribesman to head us. Take your development elsewhere. How will our leader say he has years of experience when you want to come and unseat him? 

2. Show me my money. We do not like to elect middle class like people like you.  We want to see the big cars, Prados, Hummer and the like. Your Fielder just won’t do. Plus,  every time you come and organise a baraza here in our village, you must at least leave something for the elders. We cannot vote for someone who is not ready to give back to the community.  So, visit your nearest bank and get some new notes. 

3. Lead us not into development. You see, you are a leader, but we do not want just people and performing. Infact, we prefer the ones who steal our taxes. If you come and all you are doing is bringing development, building and installing infrastructure in the County. Who told you we want good roads, and a working drainage? Did you hear us say that we want good schools? We have bigger priorities. We would rather debate which hairstyle our Senator had on last night’s show. 

4. Politics is such a dirty game. Did you hear what they said about that MCA last week? It was scandalous. We do not want that to happen to you.  You are a good guy,  such a good reputation.  We do not want people to start mudslinging at you whenever you stand to speak in meetings. We just want youto be able to keep your integrity. We care about what people think about you.  

5. Who are you?  Look,  let’s be real here. Who is your father? What did he do? We only know families here infact, we only follow the instructions that two men sat and decided 40 years ago.  Their two families will rule this country for 100 years. We were not there when they agreed, but who are you to come and disturb the order. Once one of them leaves the seat, the other family takes over and we do not want to disrespect the elders,  do we? We are only good as citizens. That goes for you too.  Tow the line and let others lead you.  

So, please take your ambitions elsewhere, we are busy. 


Sorry, I do not do coins-I am a Boda Tycoon

Last evening as I was just alighting at the stage, I saw a boda boda fellow waiting for passengers. He was talking with two of his friends, chatting about God knows what. I motioned to him and asked him to get me to my house. I went ahead and told him that I only had KES 40 instead of the normal KES 50.

Continue reading “Sorry, I do not do coins-I am a Boda Tycoon”

Declaring My Wealth-in USD

The original post was on another blog I was making use of before coming back here. I hope you like it. It is up to date as at December 2015. I will do a follow up soon. Enjoy.  

​There has been a lot of talk of wealth and poverty declaration recently, and as a husband and daddy I wanted to declare my wealth or the lack thereof publicly.

Staki mtu anione na iPhone 6Plus aanze eti, “Oh, sijui eti Illuminati this guy can’t afford such things,” na nyef nyef mob tu.
Bob Collymore declared his wealth in USD and I have also decided I will not disappoint my fans. Ni muhimu kutumia SI unit in my declaration as well. 
I was hoping to also attach my receipts and bank statements as attachments, but for those I think I will only submit when asked by EACC,wait they may want to arrest me like they threatened RAO. 
In wealth declaration, it is important to note that if I owe you money I will not declare it here, since I’m just hoping that you forget the debt itself, or that Pontifex prayed for you to be forgiving we will sort each other in the coming financial year. It is expected that I will use accounting jargon here, kindly check the official Miriam Webster dictionary for some of the explanations. 
Of my incomes, I declare $9600 annual employment income, of this the government steals,  ordinarily takes about 30%, which is $2880 of that. My landlord takes about $1440 annually as rent. Hopefully, next year, I can rearrange that and get a house of my own. Next, it’s Chama, that’s a minimum of $100 per month, that’s $1200 a year. So far, expenses are at $5520. That leaves $5080. My SACCO loan requires payment of $40 per month, that’s $480, leaving me with $4600.
Each month, I have an expense of about $50 for shopping, $60 on transport, $100 on baby’s diapers, $30 on airtime, $35 on eat-outs, credit card dues are at $90 which gives monthly expenditure of $365 and $4380 a year.
My income is at $220 as at this point for the whole year. This is about $20 a month. Truth be told, I haven’t seen this amount and it’s already December.
Have I mentioned that there are regular checkups for baby? How could I forget that wifey needs a salon visit every 14 days?
At this rate, I should file for Section 11 of the American Bankruptcy Act like 50 Cent did, so that all guys whose debts I have forget the debts.

Whats your worth?

I am seriously contemplating getting into business.

Daddy and Being Daddy Like

I have a little girl. She is the most beautiful being I have ever seen.  Of course,  Mama Joy is #1,  there is no argument there.
Joy is one of bundle of,  you guessed it, joy.  She smiles from ear to ear whenever daddy gets in through the door. She will raise her hands a little up on both sides signalling that Daddy should lift her up in his arms. Gladly,  I take her up,  and kiss her light cheeks on both sides and she then proceeds to grin showing her growing four incisor teeth.
Continue reading “Daddy and Being Daddy Like”

The Kisii Road Accident- The Aftermath

The news comes rushing in so fast about  these deaths. Photos of a selfie with beautiful girls heading to Kisii for the time of their lives. They are heading for a great white party event.
None of them thought that would be their last ever road trip.
Continue reading “The Kisii Road Accident- The Aftermath”

She Made Me Cry

So, yesterday I disciplined my daughter. She was refusing to take her uji (porridge). Lets get things straight, my baby loves food, like her dad. She never gets to eat enough food, like her mum. So, when I saw her refusing to drink porridge, I knew that she was busy dictating the foods she will take and those that she won’t. Continue reading “She Made Me Cry”