Yes I am a Tribalist

I was at my politician’s campaign rally. Yet again, I have attended all his rallies. I was adorned in my party attire, even had a painter smear me in our party colors.

Every time my politician spoke at that rally, I would cheer at the top of my voice. His name rang in the air after every phrase he uttered on stage.
We gyrated on the roads and the stadiums whre he held his rally. We took it upon ourselves to be the defiant defenders of Mheshimiwa’s(Honorable) words. At every opportunity, we would inculcate Mkubwa’s (big man) words into the hearts of anyone with a dissenting opinion. There is no chance for our opponents to speak their fallacies in our presence.

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Mheshimiwa‘s words are gospel truth. Any time he speaks, we listen. Never asking questions, he says, “Jump,” we ask, “How high?” Every time he would speak, we would make sure that no matter what, the Ayes have it.
As the elections drew near, we would go to rival rallies and disrupt their Mheshimiwa. At the end of the day, I knew that I would have some little cash to surprise my demanding girlfriend now turned ex-girlfriend. As time drew near, I would organize boda boda guys to give our Mheshimiwa‘s motorcade a hooting salute.
March 4th 2013, we practically had a kesha waiting for the official opening of polls. When I got to the ballot box that day, I honestly didn’t need to be told twice, I just voted for him. Ideology shmeology all that mattered was that “our man” was going to be going to the house on the hill. My tribesman at the helm, what an opportunity for our tribe. We would get the lion’s share of the plum positions in Government and we could also take the biggest projects to our own backyard.
When the results started trickling in, I was already analysing from our stats pale mashinani and I could clearly see our side was going to take the day. Forget what other analysts and pariahs were babbling abouy, we knew they must be wrong!! They had to be!!
When the news people came to ask me who I thought would win, I told them that Uhuru Raila Mudavadi Dida Muite Karua Kenneth would win. DEFINITELY!!!! We had the numbers and the people wiuld speak in our favor.
Fast forward to today, our detractors are telling people one thing about the Constitution. Mheshimiwa said we shouldn’t even listen to them, they were lying to us. Mheshimiwa says he knows what’s best for us. He knows what should be in the Constitution. He told us that he has read it end to end. We dont need to read it, he did it for us. All we have to do is vote as he says.
So, in a few weeks, he will call us to go and attend his rally. Yet again, I will attend all his rallies. I will be adorned in my party attire, and I will even have a painter smear me in our party colors.

This is the life of an average Kenyan psychophant.

Have a look at what Potentash had to say on Tribalism here.


3 thoughts on “Yes I am a Tribalist

  1. And when enemies of development hijack the party we will join him in defecting en masse to the new party. Never mind it means joining with Waheshimiwa that were enemies just yesterday.

    1. Precisely Maina. When we find someone offering us a sweeter deal than Mheshimiwa, we will follow them. It’s all about our pockets, we dont really care about the rest of Kenya. As you clamor for development, we will become CDF Chairmen in our constituency.

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