I am back! Or should I have said in the last post *inserts Schwartzenegger(I just had to Google the correct spelling→ Schwarzenegger) voice* “I’ll be back”. Well I am back, I had started to speak on Unforgiveness in my previous post. Read about it here.
The journey to seek forgiveness from all and sundry was not easy. I was tempted to just decide, “Wacha wakae (Just screw them)” but something kept me going from one to the other.
I remember how bad I used to feel when someone (especially from the Christian Union) would come to tell me, “What is this I hear about you and…..”
Of course it doesn’t really matter who it was exactly.
Then that person would go ahead to tell me all the things I had done in the darkness (of course the huge part of all these stories were either half truths or fabricated). I expected someone to just come and talk with me not at me. I wanted a shoulder to lean on in my moment of weakness, not just a whip on my back. I didn’t know who to trust. I even asked, “Who do you trust?”
I wish someone would come and speak to me on forgiveness. I realized in all that the one person I needed to ask forgiveness most from was myself. I was always walking around with a huge burden on my back.
I used to feel like everybody knew all the things I had done. I used to “see” the judgement in the eyes of the people I would meet on the roads.
One day a friend asked me, “What do those people have over you? What impact do they have on your life now?” When I honestly answered that question I realised that I was the person limiting myself and condemning myself endlessly to a lowly life.
I had the choice to sit, throw myself a pity party or to get back on my feet and move on with my life.
Forgiving one self is not easy. You have to convince yourself first that you are worth forgiving. You can take it from me, YOU ARE WORTH FORGIVENESS. You are worth a second chance. That’s the reason Jesus came to earth. He came so that you may be forgiven. He came so that you may stop feeling condemnation. He came so that you stop looking at yourself as rubbish.
You are valuable.
I always remind myself that EVEN IF I WAS THE ONLY SINNER CHRIST WOULD HAVE STILL DIED FOR ME.
Today, say these powerful words to yourself, “I forgive myself”.