Another milestone reached, article Number 50 ….
This is mainly intended for the dumber and more naive lot. The women. But if you’ve got no Y chromosome, it does not mean you are breaking the law by reading. Actually, it might help you see that finally we’re not so daft anymore.
Okay, there are some popular and at times religiously upheld beliefs and rules…..by the ladies…about the men. These might have been there from when Mother Teresa was making that tough choice between her vocation and that cute boy from her village…..or they might have emerged in the recent past.
Rules are good. Beliefs are even better.
But when it comes to the ridiculous ones women have come up with, in a quest to understand men and have successful relationships, I can’t, for the life of me, think of anything we should disregard more.
So let’s get to shredding and trashing these beliefs and ‘guidelines’.
1.) THE BEAST IS BEST RULE……. Women tend to believe that the more handsome a guy is, the more likely he is to play you. Well, yes.
But the other half of it is so untrue it makes my brains sublime. That the …err…UN-handsome man will not play you. Good God!! It’s like saying the lion with a bigger and wilder mane will not eat you because it has a sexy beard. A man may be encouraged by his good looks to hunt for women, but, TRUST me; they are not discouraged by lack of those looks from pursuing the ladies…. In fact, most…err… (Ughh!! To hell with euphemisms) ugly men think they are the hottest thing since the invention of rubber gloves. So, don’t think for a second that dating a beast will cement your relationship…Nah. It will only make u an idiot to think that.
2.) THE CHANGE WE NEED BELIEF…… this is one of those things that women should be lynched for believing….
Oh, yes he’s a lying scumbag, he does like to sleep around and flirt with everything that exhibits the life requirement of locomotion…but he’ll change. TOMMY-ROT!!!!!! Sweetheart, no. He will NOT change. I am sure you are not the beloved girl who happened to save him from the island he had been stranded in all his life with nothing but a baboon for company. No you are not. There have been other women before you. And trust me, if he is that bad, his mother knows it too. And if SHE has not been able to ‘Change’ him, you don’t stand anything close to a chance.
It will do us ladies a huge favor to realize that the only real chance a woman ever gets to change a man is when she is changing his diaper in his infancy. After that, you stand a higher chance of resurrecting Lazarus a second time and marrying him.
3.) THE GOLD IS OLD rule…… yes. My English teacher taught us that Old is Gold. The beliefs over time altered that …. Gold is old. The newest one making the rounds is that the older guys are too full of themselves or whatever other ridiculous reasoning is applied here. The end result is that women now prefer to date younger men. It is at this point that I ask for permission to laugh until late evening. Please, ladies, if you are 28, waiting longingly at the gates of a boys’ high school to find your soul mate is not the best option you have.
Yes, that ALL men are weirdly disappointing is not even debatable. But SERIOUSLY????!!!!! Just because Mariah Carey has managed to snag her grandson does not mean that the younger ones are ALWAYS better. Oh my sadness!!!! Age is nothing but a number…*insert hysterical bout of laughter* age is anything but a number. Of course, it goes without saying that there are a million young guys who exhibit more maturity than their grandfathers, but I just need this to be clear; it is not automatic that just because you’re eying your neighbor’s 8 year old son, you’ll have a blissful relationship.
If that is the case, then I think it’s high time my future mother-in-law conceived. I want to know at least how many face lifts I’ll need by the time my hubby is getting to crawl.
4.) PERSONALITY PREVAILS…….. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now this one, I had to laugh out loud like that.
Okay. I’m not saying if u have a rotten heart you will get that sweet Alejandro in your hood (read: dreams)….. Neither am I saying you will not.
It would take an awfully shallow man to be drawn to just the looks or (any) status of a lady… and as we might all want to agree, a healthy percentage of the male population is not entirely that ‘UN-shallow’….
So, for the purposes of avoiding world war 10, we are talking about the normal and ‘deep’ males here.
Alright. Men, stop lying to us. Personality makes you want to KEEP us, but it is not the first thing u notice when u see a lady. I mean, when you see a lady’s ‘gggrrrr’ photo on Facebook or you see a lady in the streets who makes you stare so hard your eye balls combust simultaneously,,, I’m sure y’all don’t go like…’oh wow. Now THOSE are the lips of a girl with a good personality…’ or maybe…’ jeez!!! Look at her cleavage!! I can see CHASTE written all over her CHEST!!!’
The rule we are trashing here, is in an attempt to smoke out those …bitc…I mean women who act all saintly and all sweet…like butter wouldn’t melt in their mouths… thinking that the guys will see how very sweet you are. GOD!!!!!!!!!!! Stop!!! You make the rest of us want to retch and then inspect the inside of your heads with a power saw!!!! And also those ladies who don’t care how they look… sweetheart, stop watching too much Afrocinema oh!!! HE won’t stop his Range Rover upon seeing u on the roadside collecting firewood and looking about as sexy as the firewood you’re collecting. Gotta invest in a comb… and while you’re at it, make your face look like the face of a female Homo sapiens sapiens.
No offense intended….. But if anyone takes offense, then I’m humbled. :-))))))))))))))))))))))))