Email from the “President of Nigeria”


So I opened my mail this morning, went through my Gmail Inbox wondering what someone had sent me through my mail. I was actually looking at Scholarship positions that I would like to go to, although if some people I know had their way, I would study inside my parents house for my Masters *mental thoughts to self*.

So long story short, I was a little idle and I decided that I should check my Spam folder. Guess who had sent me mail. The President! Not my President, duh! Obviously, I wonder if he knows what an e-mail is, but the President of Nigeria himself the all mighty and very graceful author of good luck in Nigeria, Mr. GoodLuck Jonathan himself! He had sent me mail!

Dance, dance, dance

I was about to do a dance on top of the table, “GoodLuck sent me an email, GoodLuck sent me an email, GoodLuck sent me an email, ” I just remembered that I am in an office. So, I went through it slowly, here is what it said,

From the desk of the president

His excellency dr.goodluck ebele jonathan

president nigerian aso rock villa abuja nigeria

ref no:…pdsn/osi/oo2/ dsf2011 telephone

e-mail address==presidentdr.goodlucke@hotmail.com

date:-…4/06/2011.

E-mail:presidentdr.goodlucke@hotmail.com

So I started asking myself, doesn’t the president have an official email address, he is the President, right? Hotmail! Tsk. But I just gave him the benefit of a doubt, maybe he just did not want to arouse alot of attention while communicating with a civilian from another country. It could turn out to be an international fiasco if this was discovered! So I read on,

Motto: no body is above the law!!!

WOW! A motto for his office, do we have a motto? I mean for the President’s office… uuuuum! I dont know. But clearly I am about about to digress , oh wait, I just got a call, and I am answering as if I do not want to talk to her, oh, I was saying I read on a little more, and he said,

Thank you for notifying this department (You are very welcome sir…wait when did I notify this department? WHich Department is it again?)that you didn’t authorize this impostor named (, )to act and receive your atm master card valued us$9.8m

My ATM

(are you sir that this is me? I know I am a little rich, in my head of course, but millionaire in dollar, or its Zimbabwean*blonde joke* ) on your behalf from this honorable commission just as they confirmed from (a.i.t) africa independent television( I do not even know this station sir,) this morning.

Furthermore, we are glad to hear that you are in a good health state/alive and nothing is wrong with your health and otherwise.

I now started wondering, “Why does the President want to know about my health? Maybe its because my $9.8 had been stolen, it could have killed me, you know.” I am fine Mr. President, thanks for asking and caring, people like you are indeed rare.

The following details are for your perusal and immediate shipment of your atm cash payment card to your door step so as to expedite your compliance:-
 
(1). Your atm card number is::::::::::::::::::::: :637 955 331 3000 049 772
 
(2). Your atm activation code number is::::::::::::::::::::::: 401202
 
(3). Your atm card pin number is:::::::::::::::::::::::::::: xxxx (You dont have the initial pin?)
 
(4). Your card issued date is::::::::::::::::::::::::27/ 05/11
 
(5). Your card expiry date is:::::::::::::::::::::::::8/ 6/14
 
(6). Card shipment date:::::::::::::::::::::::: 04/6\11
 
(7). Card delivery date:::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::06/06/11
 
(8). Special anti fraud unit screened number is::::::::::::safucn2244923ng
 
(9). Federal ministry of finance (f.m.f) approval number is::::::::::::fmf11

 
However, to enable this commission facilitate one time shipment and prompt delivery of this card to your designated address within less than 48hrs as mandated/scheduled through (speed link courier service delivery company), an express delivery cost of us$60.00 only, is required from you to enhance shipment/delivery, of this card to your doorstep without any hitch and delay. (Sir, I have a better idea, why dont you just deduct the $60 from my $9.8 million, the balance will be $9,799,940 I dont mind)

Let the money pour!

kindly use the western union money transfer (wu) receiver’s details below to effect this fee as soon as you receive this notification response today so as to facilitate shipment of your atm card to your doorstep as quickly as possible:-
 
name:::::::::::::::ifeayi onuara (Sir, who is this guy? Is he the Chairman of that commission that found my ATM?)

address::::::::::::::::plot 12/14, oremeji street, benin republic

City:::::::::::::::::::::::::::portonovo

Text question:::::::::::::what for?
Text answer::::::::::::::::service
amount::::::::::::::::us$70. 00 (sixthy dollars) only.
 
For your information, below are tabulated reasons of the us$30.00 fee payment as charged:-
 
(a). Courier service fee::::::::::::::::::::::::us$35.00 only.
 
(b). Insurance premium coverage charge:::::::::::::::::::::: us$35 .00 only.
 
Total fee involved:::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::us$70.00 only. (Like me, I know you are now confused, was it $60, $70 or now $30?)
 

 
Nb: if we don’t hear back from you within less than 24hrs, we would assumed that you got this notification response and then ignored it, as a result, we will not hesitate to suspend further shipment of this card to you until further notice.

Sir is that you? You were so getle, what just happened, you just changed all of a sudden! But then he quickly redeemed himself when he closed his letter by saying…

Thanks for your anticipated cooperation in this regards.

Yours faithfully 

Best regards,

Nice talking to you Mr. President, now let me look at more of my mail, until next time…

When the deal is too good...

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5 thoughts on “Email from the “President of Nigeria”

  1. I guess the guy lost interest midway and forgot whether he wanted to con you of $60 or $ 70. Or may be the dollar depreciated as he progressed with typing such that $60 was no longer enough for his intended spending. For email longer than this I would say he had taken too long typing. Interestingly the Oga also relocated from Abuja/Lagos (wherever the Naija is capitaled) to Portnovo, Benin in the process of typing or did he stop being our good and gentle president and become a not so gentle Mr. Ifeayi Onuara.
    Sadly, people fall flat for such.

    1. Interestingly, some people are so desperate for cash that they fall for such shenanigans. Thanks for the comment man.

  2. aragben
    if only the president was rich enough to pay me, i would be a happy camper im sure there not going to just give that kind of money away, when they cant even afford to feed there own people so what do u think about that ,and i have seen way to much scam emails its crazy the way are Internet system lets those fraudsters get away with scamming us innocent Americans that work hard for are money theres got to be something done to these impostors for all the crime they get away with.on the Internet.

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