Who do you trust?

In the past few months I have experienced the toughest time in my life. I know the things I am about to say are going to rub some people the wrong way, but that is exactly what these posts are all about. I hope it pricks you, but I hope more that it makes you ponder. I am saved, got saved on

February 16th 1998. I have had a good taste of how it feels to be saved, but I have also backslidden a million times. I am saying all this, for a reason that I will reveal to you at the very end.

What is your struggle against?

When I finished Form 4 in 2006, I was extremely sneaky and living a double life, saying I am a Christian and yet not living privately as one. That I realised is called hypocrisy!! I would be like the child who takes sugar and eats and when the mother asks, he loudly comments, “Si mimi!(It’s not me!)”, not knowing that there is a small grain of sugar that is announcing to all and sundry that sugar was pinched.

My life is not perfect, if yours is please be the first to throw the stone at me  but I strive to live for Christ. In my heart, I want to be an ambassador for Christ and do as he instructs. It is not easy for me, there are temptations all around and I  sometimes feel like I have nowhere to run. The worst thing sometimes is that, just after you have been able to conquer one temptation, another is staring at you.

My biggest challenge has been with girls. My father (pastor) calls it Lust of the Flesh. It ails me like Paul was ailed by his short temper. I have even terminated friendships that had the potential of getting X-rated. Every time you walk away from the trap of the Devil, you turn and another is waiting right there for you.

Two years ago, I had decided that I would not talk to anyone else other than my girlfriend at the time (name withheld) but the stories of what I had done, the illegal escapades I had engaged in prior our meeting still reached her ears. Unfortunately, the relationship could not withstand the pressure.

But the worst thing is this, the people I trusted to pray with me to be able to stand up are the same people who went mouthing out in the name of sharing speaking out what I had told them in confidence. I hope you can by now imagine the fiasco. This is worse especially when the Church leadership heard about it and I was reprimanded for it all too harshly in any book. As I lay on my bed, I asked myself the same question that I am asking you today, Who do you trust?

I trust in God only

I trusted my friends to pray with me, now I trust less. I am very suspicious of people’s intentions when I see them get close to me. Sometimes I used to feel that I was just about to get hurt by someone and I hurt them first before they do it to me. For this, I am sorry.

I do this, because I am tired of people using my past to ruin my present and my future. There is nothing I am going to hide anymore. I believe that confession breaks the strength of the gossiper. I learnt that from Mr. Eminem in 8 Mile the book of Proverbs.

I am not that person. I know that. If you still believe that I am that person, too bad for you. You need Jesus to show you 2 Corinthians 5:17.

Psalm 20:1-9 AMP

MAY THE Lord answer you in the day of trouble! May the name of  the God of Jacob set you up on high [and defend you];  Send you help from the sanctuary and support, refresh,  and  strengthen you from Zion;  Remember all your offerings and accept your burnt sacrifice.   Selah [pause, and think of that]!  May He grant you according to your heart’s desire and fulfill  all your plans.  We will [shout in] triumph at your salvation  and  victory, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.  Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He will answer him from His holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand.  Some trust in  and  boast of chariots and some of horses, but we will trust in  and  boast of the name of the Lord our God.  They are bowed down and fallen, but we are risen and stand upright.  O Lord, give victory; let the King answer when we  call.

Trust only God, man cannot be trusted. He changes like a waving flag.

If I trust you, then its just because I believe in the Christ you profess.

My prayer

is that you take me as a man(attribute to Kanjii’s Just a man) not an angel  and pray for me, not judge me. Hold my hand and encourage me with your story, don’t sit in the corners pointing fingers and saying, “And he says He is a Christian!” The word says, those who think they are standing should watch lest they fall.

I want to be free. You should be free. Feel free to leave me you thoughts, what can I pray with you about in your life.

We were meant to live for so much more.

God bless you all as we strive for righteousness


18 thoughts on “Who do you trust?

  1. Man! Ascofu check out what Christ told Peter Luke 22:31-32 Simon,Simon,Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.But I have prayed for you,Simon that your faith may not fail.And when you have turned back,STRENGTHEN your brothers.Bro I believe that God had allowed you to be what you were for the sake of many others.I believe it was a process of being broken to strengthen the faith of others.

    1. The truth of the matter my brother is that the process is nowhere near being easy. It makes u feel the pain. Its like being put in a mincing machine. It hurts, especially because people around you are the reason you cry most. But, God is faithful. He never leaves our side. Thank you for your encouragement.
      You know, I was told by someone that I should give time for people to heal. I wondered who was interested in my healing. Now, I know, God has a big plan for me.

  2. jaimo….wow. this is a wonderful sermon. u may nt knw hw many pple it is changing their lives. may the good Lord from nw onwards help. He tells us that salvation is by grace. so may u be full of His grace. missing u.

    1. For me there is no turning back. I am looking ahead at the potential I have. God help us. I miss you too as well Grace. But I am very available. Holla.
      May my experience help others. Soli Deo Gloria.

  3. This is a masterpiece….speaks a lot for itself…..too often we are quick to judge and see the errors of others while our own are even more abhorrent…..this needs to stop….Jesus came with a message of Love…and that’s the only noun that should describe any of the relationships we have- with family, friends, nemesis et al. LOVE is the solution to all our flaws…

  4. I possibly cnt undastand ur pain,bt trust me,i undastand the struggle within..this is very brave.it reminds me of the talk we had at the stairs nxt 2 m1 after the jaz auction in 2009.this was the 1st step,and am glad u took it.its hard,i knw,bt dnt lose hope.i cn tel u,it wont b a strugl 4 a day,bt the end result wil b worth it al.God bles.

    1. God bles u very very much. Of all the ppl, I put ur help right up there. You held my hand and for that, God will eternally bless u. As u pointed out, that was my day 1. I thank God that no matter what happens, ppl like u exist.

  5. I can also start a post the way you did, “I am saved, got saved in January 26th 1997. I have had a good taste of how it feels to be saved, but I have also backslidden a million times.”

    I am now following a new path, and I have come to know one thing. It is never about the past, it is about your current status with God. The thief who was crucified with Jesus had his path forgiven and forgotten.

    Repentance is not all about telling God to forgive you. It is about turning from what you have been doing and purposing not to repeat the mistakes. Yes, sometimes we may repeat the mistakes (and I am not saying we should), but we repent, again purposing not to repeat the mistakes. In the long run, you end up sinning less and less and hopefully eventually, you will be sinless. Notice the thief on the cross never said “forgive me” but he acknowledged that what he had been doing was wrong.

    My last parting shot is that if you trust in God, everything else will cease to matter. It does not matter what your best friend or prayer partner does, all that matters is what the Lord does.

  6. hey mumo……..lemmie start by saying dats xo brave of u..uv med me realise dat i too av bn living a double-life…aktualy i can se am living mo’ of d worldly life than of a christians….i think i shld se ‘my life as an X-tian’ av cancelled (xd) Christ out of my life…..n i knw how it pains.i struggle day-in,day-out with the desires of the flesh.i get alil’ fun hia n there…..but who am i kidding.i end up alone n in tears at the end of it all.n ofkos GUILTY.i have tried avoiding all,but the devil is a fat lier,n once he gets u up his web…all u need is Gods grace,i pray hard however,it feels lyk am in a deep hole n God can’t hia me.i need grace n total deliverance.i need a second chance…dat is wat am cryin out 4,hoping God will hia me soon n save me from this abyss….Maisha finje finje naacha……xo help me God.

    Kudos mumo ua blogs r a blessing to many.

    1. First of all, all the glory goes to God. I write all this here as a testimony, and to be able to speak to people who are hard hit by the criticism of the many Pharisees we have in our churches, our youth groups and our friend circles.
      Secondly, just like David, we fall but we still seek to fight the flesh and follow after God’s heart. My friend Alice says, “Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer, Gideon was insecure, Miriam was a gossiper, Martha was a worrier, Thomas was a doubter, Sara was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Zaccheus was short, Abraham was old, and Lazarus was dead…. God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the CALLED!”

      Enough said.

  7. Six years are gone nw………bt we share the same story. Am humbled by ur honesty n i knw hw it feels cz av walked more than a mile in ur shoes so to speak.But remember we are saved by grace and our perfection comes only through Christ. Give it all away to him……n he will use u …………in a better more powerful way than uve ever knwn.

  8. i got you bro…i feel you bro…sometimes i wonder why christians have to go through struggles but when you see Jesus he also went through temptations and he was trying to show us that christianity life has many temptations on the way to eternity. It reminds me of the song by Lacrea “Praying for you” where he indirectly mentions the struggles he is going through and the last thing he says “the person i have been praying about is me”…..you have done something that many people cant do and with confessing you ll feel you are free from any guilt, it posses a big challenge to many other people around you and those who read this. As you have mentioned that God uses the imperfect is a BIG TRUTH and He always welcomes us despite of what we ve done, i dont know if you ve read a book by Rick Warren -“Purpose Driven Life”-it tends to show us how christianity relates to our daily life..i like this book..u should read if you ven”t. Am learning something from you. Thanks Ascofu. God loves you the way he loved David.

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