In the past few months I have experienced the toughest time in my life. I know the things I am about to say are going to rub some people the wrong way, but that is exactly what these posts are all about. I hope it pricks you, but I hope more that it makes you ponder. I am saved, got saved on
February 16th 1998. I have had a good taste of how it feels to be saved, but I have also backslidden a million times. I am saying all this, for a reason that I will reveal to you at the very end.
When I finished Form 4 in 2006, I was extremely sneaky and living a double life, saying I am a Christian and yet not living privately as one. That I realised is called hypocrisy!! I would be like the child who takes sugar and eats and when the mother asks, he loudly comments, “Si mimi!(It’s not me!)”, not knowing that there is a small grain of sugar that is announcing to all and sundry that sugar was pinched.
My life is not perfect,
if yours is please be the first to throw the stone at me but I strive to live for Christ. In my heart, I want to be an ambassador for Christ and do as he instructs. It is not easy for me, there are temptations all around and I sometimes feel like I have nowhere to run. The worst thing sometimes is that, just after you have been able to conquer one temptation, another is staring at you.
My biggest challenge has been with girls. My father (pastor) calls it Lust of the Flesh. It ails me like Paul was ailed by his short temper. I have even terminated friendships that had the potential of getting X-rated. Every time you walk away from the trap of the Devil, you turn and another is waiting right there for you.
Two years ago, I had decided that I would not talk to anyone else other than my girlfriend at the time (name withheld) but the stories of what I had done,
the illegal escapades I had engaged in prior our meeting still reached her ears. Unfortunately, the relationship could not withstand the pressure.
But the worst thing is this, the people I trusted to pray with me to be able to stand up are the same people who went
mouthing out in the name of sharing speaking out what I had told them in confidence. I hope you can by now imagine the fiasco. This is worse especially when the Church leadership heard about it and I was reprimanded for it all too harshly in any book. As I lay on my bed, I asked myself the same question that I am asking you today, Who do you trust?
I trusted my friends to pray with me, now I trust less. I am very suspicious of people’s intentions when I see them get close to me. Sometimes I used to feel that I was just about to get hurt by someone and I hurt them first before they do it to me. For this, I am sorry.
I do this, because I am tired of people using my past to ruin my present and my future. There is nothing I am going to hide anymore. I believe that confession breaks the strength of the gossiper. I learnt that from
Mr. Eminem in 8 Mile the book of Proverbs.
I am not that person. I know that. If you still believe that I am that person, too bad for you. You need Jesus to show you 2 Corinthians 5:17.
Psalm 20:1-9 AMP
MAY THE Lord answer you in the day of trouble! May the name of the God of Jacob set you up on high [and defend you]; Send you help from the sanctuary and support, refresh, and strengthen you from Zion; Remember all your offerings and accept your burnt sacrifice. Selah [pause, and think of that]! May He grant you according to your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans. We will [shout in] triumph at your salvation and victory, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May the Lord fulfill all your petitions. Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed; He will answer him from His holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand. Some trust in and boast of chariots and some of horses, but we will trust in and boast of the name of the Lord our God. They are bowed down and fallen, but we are risen and stand upright. O Lord, give victory; let the King answer when we call.
Trust only God, man cannot be trusted. He changes like a waving flag.
If I trust you, then its just because I believe in the Christ you profess.
is that you take me as a man(attribute to Kanjii’s Just a man)
not an angel and pray for me, not judge me. Hold my hand and encourage me with your story, don’t sit in the corners pointing fingers and saying, “And he says He is a Christian!” The word says, those who think they are standing should watch lest they fall.
I want to be free. You should be free. Feel free to leave me you thoughts, what can I pray with you about in your life.
God bless you all as we strive for righteousness